Monday, May 2, 2016

TogetherMESS

I must have the happiest kids on earth!!!


So it's been a week of surviving my home busting at the seams, now that the boys are back in town, and sharing the the same roof for the first time in about 5 years. Ah, togetherMESS.

No that was not a type-o, and I mean it. Singularly, those boys can be a bit messy, but together, they bring their disasters to a whole new level! I'm talking from: 

Level 1=10 Second Tidy, to a 
Level 10=House looks like a bomb went off in it! 

Guess which level we've been on for the past week?

Probably because I had that impeding crazed look in my eyes, friends over the past few days have reached out, in an attempt to intervene the insanity beginning to set in, and advised me to just make sure the kids clean up after themselves. 

It's a great idea, in theory, but reality is a different story. Seriously. For starters, I hate nagging, and really feel like they are two grown a$$ young men, so they shouldn't need to be asked to simply clean up after themselves and pitch in and help where needed. Then there's the "time" issue. You see, my kids and I are on our on individual time continuum. While I'm on "real time" they are on, "gawd-only-knows-what" time. 

For example, If I ask them to go unload the dishwasher in the next 5 minutes, I might as well be talking to the wall. Five minutes will pass, ten minutes, and so on, and they will have still not done a single thing. When I return to ask why they haven't done a particular chore, they always respond, "But you said to do it in 5 minutes." And I usually respond, "That's right, and that was 30 minutes ago." Then, as if on cue, they look at me like I've lost my marbles! OMG, I guess it totally IS my fault, I didn't designate the particular set of 5 minutes in their lifetime for which they need to get off their butts and go take care of said task. UGH!

I know what you are thinking, tell them to be done by certain time. Yep, well...that doesn't work either. When I call them on the carpet, they feign they didn't realize it's three hours past that time already.

Yes, it's true it is easier just to do it myself, but it just makes me so frickin' mad. I am positive I am the only mom on earth that has this issue. (II know I'm not, but it sure feels like it).

I was at my wits end and seriously, was moments away from losing my $#!+, when my oldest saved his own life and decided to take his visiting girlfriend to Tahoe for a couple of days.

Not gonna lie, I miss having him (and her) around, but I do not miss constantly picking up after everyone. Yes, I realize I am bitchin'-a-bit. It's true. And fortunately, my youngest was too busy working and going to school to make matters worse, the past couple of days...so I guess he saved his own behind as well!

Ah...a little relief my Dynamo Disaster Duo. Sanity beginning to restore. Which is a very good thing, because after one week in, I was down to only two options left. #1 Kick their butts out of the house or #2 Just start throwing the crap they lay around the house away. 
And I really didn't want to do that, because, 

#1 I actually love my kids and really don't want to have to go visit them while they live on the streets 

and 

#2 Most of the crap they lay around, happens to belong to me!

Damn kids! Good thing I love them so much.













Thursday, April 28, 2016

THROW-BACK THURSDAY: Shopping with Men

Happy Thursday all!

Stumbled across this visual the other day, and I swear it supports the story I wrote months ago!!!

Image result for shopping with men 

Here's a little throwback of that story for you to check out...it's a short excerpt from Looking for B.O.B. (BrightSides of Bull$#!+) Every Day.  Hope you enjoy it!  

(Also, if you or someone you know is a writer/author, and would like to do a Guest Blog on my site, please get in contact with me. I would like to add this as a regular feature to my blog as this continues to grow)!!!



"One day I was shopping with my husband and I became insanely jealous. No, it wasn’t another woman—it was that he is a guy! Let me stop you right now, because I know what you are thinking and you are wrong. This is NOT, I repeat, this is NOT one of those penis envy situations. Not at all. In fact, I will never understand men and their junk and how they manage to even, well, er, ummmm, you know, “manage.” Like walking or running, or whatevering with all that extra “stuff” they are jangling around. To me it simply defies the Laws of Physics. Enough of that. No, my jealously is that shopping for jeans is so much easier for men, and it just isn’t fair.

Seriously, not only were we at a huge box store where there is no such thing as a fitting room nor a mirror, (which doesn’t faze my husband in the least), but he barely stumbled through the entrance when he found what looked to be super great jeans, by the original maker of jeans, and they were at a ridiculously low price at that. And that’s not all! He scoured quickly through a neatly piled stack of jeans, looked at the numbers and chucked a couple pairs in the cart. Done. Then he moved on down the aisle to start scarfing down food samples that were be handed out left and right.

Are you frickin’ kidding me??? DONE??? DONE??? DONE???!!! HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?

When I go shopping for jeans, I need to visit several stores, try on every single pair, take out a loan to pay for them and it can take all day or even all weekend—IF I’M LUCKY! For my husband, his whole denim buying experience took a matter of minutes. But, what REALLY pisses me off, (and this is where the jealousy really sets in), is that when he finally tried them on, (seconds before we were leaving to go out to dinner the next night), those son-of-stitches fit his fanny perfectly.

Rat bastard."







Monday, April 25, 2016

The Empty Nest is a FULL HOUSE again!!!


When my boys grew up and began to move away, it was an adjustment. On one hand, I didn't have to cook every night if I didn't want to tackle the kitchen. In fact, during our Empty Nesthood, my hubby and I have been known to polish off a humongous bowl of popcorn smothered with a vat of butter, on many occasions, as the answer to, "What's for dinner tonight?" 

Our refrigerator became less jam-packed with teenager-type foods. Our pantry began to evolve to less and less preservative-laden snacks, and more toward intriguing culinary delights. Daily cappuccinos replaced pots of coffee, and that's not all! Sodas disappeared and sparkling waters appeared in their place. Laundry downgraded from an endless hideous chore to more of a mild nuisance. YAY!  Plus, the smell of our boys' room actually became bearable upon entry, (it took a case of Febreeze bombs to get there, but still...) and our house was clean...ALL THE TIME! I mean, anyone could drop by at any time of the day or night and I would not die of mortification about the state of my home.  Yep, everything was together, neat and tidy...but I, however, was a wreck!

What can I say? I'm a major Mama Bear...not to be confused with a Hover Parent, but just someone who really likes her kids. I mean yes, I love them, that goes without saying. But I actually like my kids...most days. So that whole Empty Nest thing gutted me. I felt like I had been laid off from my most favorite job in the whole world! (And they didn't even give me the decency of severance pay)!

With our oldest, Eric, already living in another state, two hours away, that ended up not being near as difficult as moving our baby boy, Ryan, to San Diego, a mere 12 hour drive, give or take an hour or so, depending on traffic. What was I going to do? While most thought I would throw a party to celebrate, I really bawled my eyes out the entire trip back home to Northern California, after we left him, instead. Thank gawd my husband had the fortitude to drive the entire trip. (Really, it wasn't a choice...not if he wanted to live, because I cried so much I couldn't see the road...which is actually a blessing for parts of I-5).

Life was really lonely back on the ranch. No messy house to clean, no favorite meals to make, no one to nag...WHAT WAS I GOING TO DO?

Then one day, about a month or so later, our oldest son, Eric, called to say he was quitting his job and moving home. HUH?  WHAT?  He hadn't lived with us in over four years, and he had a great job. What WAS he thinking? Not going to lie, part of me was thrilled to have him move home!!!  YAY!  One of my baby birds would be back in the nest. Of course the responsible side of me was thinking, "What the hell do you think you are doing kid?" But then he dropped the BIG BOMB. It was only going to be for three weeks. Yep, he unloaded news like a sucker punch to the gut...he was taking a job on cruise ship and would be gone for 6 months.  OH. MY. GAWD. This kid was out to get me, I swear he was trying to give me a heart attack...and he almost succeeded. Damn kid!

So I cherished every single moment I could with him, before he left...because I don't know about you, but six months is a long time to be completely apart. 

I took him to the airport the day he left. I remember hugging him good-bye and I couldn't bring myself to let go. I was so excited for him, but devastated for me. And dammit, those dang tears started flooding back again, as he pried my arms off him, grabbed his bags and disappeared through the sliding doors of the airport terminal. I felt my heart break into a million pieces, just like it did a couple months earlier when Ryan moved to San Diego.  

It was about a month later that our youngest son called us. It was 3 o'clock in the morning. Of course we were panicked to be getting a call from our child in the middle of the night...and for good reason. He was calling because he was worried, and pretty much scared out of his mind. The police were in his backyard with flashlights on a manhunt, NOT FOR HIM, and a helicopter circling over his neighborhood with a searchlight. We could hear some of the chaos through the phone. Now talk about feeling helpless. As we hung on the phone and tried to assure him the police would keep him safe, he told us he was moving home. He was done with the crime in his neighborhood and just wanted to come home after semester, where he could relax. Of course, my husband was not too thrilled about this, since he had just moved him down there 3 months prior...but who cares, cuz I was!!! (They had just had a home invasion a couple doors down a few weeks earlier with shot guns going off, so I think I was justified). I was more than happy for him to come home...so I could finally relax too!

After the holidays, Ryan returned. Yay!  And it was better. He had matured, and was easier to get along with, and might I say, he was even more fun to be around!

Months went by in our not-so-empty nest. Seeing my youngest son so at ease on the ranch, bonding with his dad and enjoying life with his friends and his dog warmed my heart. There's something about knowing your kids are safe that saves your sanity, right? But something was still missing...his brother.

After six long months, Eric got off his ship and flew home last night. If you don't think I'm excited about this, you are crazy!  (My sons have not lived under the same roof in about five years). 

His brother and I picked him up at the airport, and while my boys attempt to think they are "too cool for school," my youngest sprinted out of the door to see his brother, and all coolness bets were off. Two best friends, bonded through blood, back together again! Oh brothers! 

I, of course ran to hug Eric, not wanting to let him go, and as he again, pried my arms off of him, he uttered his first words to me, just three little words, but I could tell from his eyes, he meant them, every single one of them. I'll never forget him looking at me, very serious, very mature, and almost with desperation, saying, "In and Out?"

In and Out Burger restaurant???  WHAT???  No "Hi Mom, I love you, I've missed you so much. Just,  "I want a Double-Double with Cheese Animal-style burger."

Wow. Really. So much for a Home Coming. *deep cleansing breath here*

Good thing he has a Mama Bear like me though, who could understand his exhausting day of travelling to get home, his re-acclimatization to land life, and the fact that I crave those burgers too when I've been out of the country...because, lucky for him, I had stopped at that restaurant on the way to the airport, and he had a piping hot burger waiting for him to devour in the car.

You're welcome Eric, and welcome home to both of my boys...because remember, "Home is where your mom is." (My mom will vouch for me on this, I'm sure)!  We are finally a Full House again, and I love it!!! (At least I do today...we'll see how the rest of the week goes)!  

Friday, April 22, 2016

FRICKIN' FREE FRIDAY!!!

Happy Friday everybody!
Hey, as a little WIN-WIN, I have "teamed" up with Kindle to create a FREE DOWNLOAD DAY, today for Looking for B.O.B. Every Day.

Please download it today for me, I know it's free, but it would help me a lot to get a bazillion downloads!!!  :)  Think of it as a little gift to you, that just so happens to help me!  Sharing out this free download link with all of your social media friends would be awesome! Whether it's FB or Twitter, Instagram or Pinterest....or even good ole email blasts.  Heck, fax it to your friends, for that matter!  LOL!!!!  I sure appreciate it.

(MY hope is that people will read it today and decide, hmmm...that book would make a great gift my mom, or my grandma or my aunt or my sister or my godmother, or MYSELF...(well, you get the picture), for Mother's Day.)

Thanks everyone!  I appreciate your help in getting a bazillion downloads today and spreading the word!!! 

BTW-The offer ends at midnight tonight! 

Here's the link!!!  (If it doesn't click, just cut and paste, or go to Amazon and key in "Miss OMG")

http://www.amazon.com/Looking-B-O-B-BrightSides-Bull-Every-ebook/dp/B01EIVWNV0/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1461337327&sr=8-3&keywords=Miss+OMG


Thursday, April 21, 2016

THROW-BACK THURSDAY: MY HEART IS FULL

WOW!  So much has happened since last Thursday. It's a little overwhelming! A week ago, I got proofs back on the book I was writing, Looking for B.O.B. Every Day. AND OH MY GOSH, there were so many errors. I was ridiculously bummed, for sure! The wind was taken out of my sails immediately, and I thought, "This is never going to happen, at this rate." But, we (family effort here) all took a weekend away from the book and came back renewed with fresh eyes.  Well, we whipped those errors out in a day flat, and for me, I finally had to truly just get over myself, and get out of my own way. Like I mentioned before, I am not perfect, and my writing will never be perfect, so I need to stop beating myself up and just hit the "approval button."

That "approval button" wasn't just for my book--it was for me too. To really stop and just appreciate myself, and my efforts and to approve of me, regardless of my imperfections. 

Not many people know how I came about being able to finally sit down and write Looking for B.O.B. Every Day (that so many have pestered me to do for years, I might add). My life since October 9, 2015 has been in a chaotic flux, that was brought on by others...(cuz I certainly didn't ask for it, that's for damn sure)! I had some horrendous obstacles thrown at me, and I've had to learn how to dig deeper than I have ever had to do before in my adult life to climb over those obstacles. I'd be lying if I said it hasn't been rough.

So this girl geared up and got climbing.  I'm no where near the peak of this climb, but I'm sure as hell a whole lot further away from the toxic hell I was trapped in by others, and am so thankful to be free. I welcome the challenge. 

You sometimes hear about "When one door (or window) closes another opens." Well the door closed. And when it did, I helped nailed the S.O.B. shut. Then I turned to look for the open door, I didn't see one...but what I did see was a closed glass door. So I crashed that bastard down and walked through...oh yes I did, just to find this huge ole mountain I'm currently climbing. It's all uphill most days, but I am stronger for it. The incline can sometimes get pretty steep, but I got this! I see who's climbing with me, and I know who I can trust now, more than ever. 

I'm grateful. Because during this time, I was able to pour myself into writing my book.  Now when you think about this, I was struggling through an extremely dark time in my life that I kept extremely private. Yet, this book is humor. It pokes fun at every day stuff. When I look back down the mountain now, I am amazed at what I've done. I guess I'm pretty proud, especially considering the circumstances I was enduring while I was writing. I guess I had a lot of bull$#!+ to try to find the bright sides to! LOL!

I've learned a lot by writing Looking for B.O.B. Every Day. I've learned writing a book is a whole different than writing for publications. I've learned publishing a book as an Indie Author is even harder! I've also learned that I have a whole lot to learn about marketing a book. That's for frickin' sure!!!! 

Most of all, I've learned I have a whole lot of friends out there who are supporting me, for better or worse, and rooting me on. YAY!!!!  I have people sharing how proud they are that I actually published a book, and mention that I should be proud of that alone. I have had friends & family share that they love the stories I've written and they can't wait until the next book comes out! WOW!!!! I've had people share information about me to all their friends, with the kindest words I could ever imagine. DOUBLE WOW! And I learned that my son Ryan can write too, and he too can make you cry and he can make you smile--I did both, when I discovered he shared a link to buying Looking for B.O.B. Every Day, with all his friends. His words touched this mother's heart so much, that I am now willing to make him his favorite dinner every single night for the next year or two or three. (Of course he'll never know that unless he reads my blog...so, please, let's just keep this between us)! Thanks. ;)

With all that, please know I appreciate your support. My heart is so full of joy, and it's because of all of you who have been standing behind me. (I know you're waiting for me to say something funny here, right?)  LOL!!!   Thank you all so much!

Image result for overcoming obstacles for success Based on this, I'd say I'm a HUGE success right about now!  


Tuesday, April 19, 2016

IT'S DONE, IT'S DONE, IT'S DONE

OMG!!!!!!!!!!! I am so excited!!! Book is done, approved, AND READY TO BUY!!!!!! FB friends, I would be so grateful if you would please, please, please share this post out to all your social media friends. Two lucky people will get a free copy next week for sharing the link!!! (It will be available in Europe too...O!M!G!)
A quick thank you to all of you who have endured my endless chatter about this book. I know so many of you encouraged me to finally write one, and I have learned so much in doing so, and I promise it's the first of MANY! Thank you for all your support.
PS: THIS IS GOING TO MAKE A GREAT, INEXPENSIVE, MOTHER'S DAY GIFT for all those "mom-types" in your life who have a good sense of humor! (I know MY mom is getting one....shhh, don't tell her, it's a surprise)! LOL!!!!
PPS: Stay tuned for details on my upcoming book signing tour *snort* ROFL!!!

https://www.createspace.com/6181765?ref=1147694&utm_id=6026

Monday, April 18, 2016

So I'm NOT Perfect...Get Over IT!!!

Oh boy!!!

What a reality check that I am so far from perfect it isn't even funny!  We got the final finals Friday on the book I've been writing, Looking for B.O.B., and figured we'd be giving the approval for go ahead, when lo and behold, glaring mistakes started jumping out at us from everywhere! Now mind you, there were at least five people proof reading this book, including myself, and we didn't catch the mistakes. But, as my dear friend Lori says, "Mistakes are just proof that you are trying."

Wow!  I must've been trying REALLY hard!!!  LOL!!!

I guess I just need to get comfortable that this piece of work is like me, short and sweet, kinda funny, and a little TMI...oh, and NOT perfect!

Hope you are all good with that, because I'm all gung ho to get started on my next book! So I hope you all like Looking for B.O.B., just the way it is.

Crossing my fingers that the next set of proofs are "good enough!"  Let's get this book published already!!!!